Myths and Misconceptions About The Roman Catholic Church

Let me start out by saying that I'm not a Catholic. I just love to study religion of all kinds because I feel it gives me a great insight as to what makes people 'tick'...why they do the things they do. I find the Roman Catholic Church particularly interesting because, for better or worse, it has had an immense influence on human history. There weren't very many Catholics where I grew up, so a lot of misinformation was passed around. I'm just going to touch on the different areas because, well, thousand-page books have been written about this stuff and I'm not about to make you sit through that. :)

1) Catholics worship idols. Not true. Both the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches (particularly the latter) use icons-statues and/or pictures of Mary, Jesus, the Cross, etc that serve as reminders and mental images of the deity a person is worshiping. People do not pray to the object, but remember to pray to God. Idols, on the other hand, are seen as 'proxies'...by bowing down/praying to the statue, a person is praying to the god it represents. The difference is subtle, so it's understandable that some people would miss it. That leads me to my next point-

2) Catholics worship Mary/saints/etc. Not exactly. While they might pray to a saint (basically, a deceased person who did great works in the Church during their lives) , they do not see the saint as a god so much as an intercessor-someone to pray for them. It's like someone asking a friend to pray for them or help them in a particular area. As for Mary (the mother of Jesus), she is venerated-meaning, given a special place of honor among the saints, but is not seen as a God in and of herself.

3) The Pope is seen as being 'infallible', meaning everything he says or does is without error. Not quite. It is believed that the pope is being guided by the Holy Spirit when he speaks 'ex cathedra'-meaning, in his official capacity. This applies to things such as statements about faith and morals, not his choice of draperies or pets. Seeing as the previous pope (Benedict XVI) loved cats, I'm sure 'dog people' are happy to hear that. :)

4) Priests are pedophiles. Yes, some priests have been found to have engaged in pedophilia, but the number is much lower than some make it out to be. In fact, one study shows that less than one percent of Catholic clergy have been involved in anything even remotely resembling pedophilia. This is one of those cases where one person's actions make the entire group look bad.

5) Catholics don't read the Bible. If you ever go to a Catholic Mass, you will hear at least three extensive passages read to go along with the lesson. As for independent study, there's no reason a Catholic wouldn't be encouraged to read on their own.

6) Catholics aren't Christians. People who say Catholics aren't Christians are usually referring to the differences between Catholics and Protestants, not Christianity in general. In fact, you could say that they are the original Christians; they trace their roots all the way back to Jesus and the original apostles. They regard Peter as being the first Pope in accordance to Jesus' declaration that he was the 'cornerstone' of His church. You can't get much more 'Christian' than that!

If you'd like more information, check out

The American Catholic and the Catholicism sections of Patheos and Beliefnet.

7 Bad Reasons To Stay In A Relationship, Part II

(continued from previous post)

5) You don't know when to quit. It's true that every relationship has its ups and downs as time and life goes on. In fact, I think part of the reason for the high divorce rate in this country is that some people have no concept of this and bail once it's not fun anymore. However, it's very possible to lean too far in the other direction. We think that if we just work a little harder on things, change ourselves enough or change him enough, things will work out. This isn't necessarily true. Sometimes a relationship can't be saved because it's not meant to be saved.

6) You don't want to hurt him/be mean/etc. For many of us, our good nature tells us that we have to be nice all the time. If we hurt someone or do something that could be seen as 'mean', we feel guilty. I once had someone manipulate me like this, and I regret it to this day. He threatened to hurt himself more than once, and I didn't want to be responsible for something like that. Who would? If he says something like this to get you to stay, don't fall for it! If someone is unbalanced enough to hurt himself because of a breakup, he needs a lot more help than you could give. This is coming from someone who has been on both sides.

Think about it this way; what would you rather have done for you? Would you rather him stay with you when he clearly doesn't want to, or would you want him to break it off all at once? The longer a breakup is dragged out, the more painful it is for everyone.

7) You're afraid to be alone. This is a big one for me. You might have been in a relationship of some kind for so long that you don't know what to do with yourself if you don't have a partner. You worry that you won't be able to get him back if you realize you made a mistake or if you can't find anyone else. Trust me, being alone is better than being with the wrong person. Also, you're probably not truly alone-you have friends, family, pets, etc. As hard as it is to leave our 'comfort zone', sometimes it's the only thing we can do. 'The devil you know' is still a devil.

If one or more of these things are true for you, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner. Yes, the breakup will hurt. That's a given. However, sometimes there is no painless way out of a situation. If you stay too long in the wrong relationship, you may miss out on the right one.

It's well worth the effort to save a good relationship. However, if you are always trying to save it, it's probably not a good relationship.

7 Bad Reasons To Stay In A Relationship, Part 1

Have you ever been in a bad relationship? I'm not necessarily talking about abuse; I'm talking about staying in a situation you aren't happy with. I've had relationships where we both knew it was over, but no one wanted to say the words. I've also had them where I wasn't happy but, for whatever reason, I thought I had to stay. I know I'm not alone in this. Have you ever wondered why his happens? Here are some of the more common (and also more destructive) reasons.

1) You feel pressured to settle down. While it's true that attitudes regarding women and relationships have come a long way in the past few decades, some of us may still feel as though we are 'behind'. Think about it-have you ever had your mother ask when you are going to give her grandchildren? Do well-meaning friends and relatives try to 'set you up' with people they know? “I just met X's son...he's a dentist, he's single, he doesn't have any kids or ex-wives etc. ” You get the idea. Also, are all of your friends married? The pressure to settle down and start a family can be enormous, sometimes to the point where we will stay in a relationship we don't want to be in because we feel like we 'have to'. As much as we want to please Grandma or give her great-grandchildren before she dies (another common 'rationalization'), remember that she is not the one who has to live with your partner; you are. Don't stay in an unhappy relationship to please someone else.

2) Your 'biological clock' is ticking. On the same tip as above, some women stay with a partner they aren't happy with because they want to have a child. I'm not getting any younger, they think, so I'd better settle down and have a child before it's 'too late'. I completely understand this; in fact, sometimes the clock ticks so loud that I fear I'll go deaf. However, don't stay with a man because think time is running out. The truth is that all of those 'facts' we heard growing up about the dangers of having kids in our late 30s and beyond are no longer true; that is, if they ever were to begin with. Until you enter menopause, you are not 'too old'.

3) The sex is great. He might rock your world in the bedroom, but what happens when you're not in bed? What will it be like when the 'sparks' inevitably fade?

4) 'For The Kids”. This is admirable, but kids often pick up on negative feelings in their home. In fact, several of my friends whose parents have stayed together when they weren't happy tell me that they wish their parents had just gotten a divorce because it made them feel guilty. They felt that they were ultimately the cause of their parents' pain and just wanted everyone to be happy, even if that meant they weren't living in the same house anymore. Yes, their parents' breakup was hard, but it was better than having to listen to them fight all the time or knowing that they didn't love each other the way spouses should. Remember, this is how they learn how to handle their own relationships in the future.

For brevity's sake, I will continue this in another post.

Cute Romantic Gestures

I've been around a lot of happy marriages. For instance,  my parents were married for 28 years and would have been married for 28 more had my mother not passed away. My brother and his partner have been together for 33 years-almost as long as I've been alive. When I was working in a fancy restaurant, I once waited on a couple who had been married for over 50 years and still liked each other! When you consider that many couples nowadays barely celebrate their 2nd anniversary, you know what an achievement that is! When asked what their 'secret' is, they all said that part of keeping romance alive comes from not settling into a pattern-while they may not go all out like they may have done before, they still do some 'little things' to show their love for each other. I figure that, if it worked for them, maybe it will work for us too.  On that tip, here are some ways to surprise your partner and let you know you're thinking of him.

• Re-call good memories. For instance, my husband and I met at a wedding. I think it's sweet that he still remembers the song ("Fire Woman" by the Blue Oyster Cult) that was playing in the car when we drove to a restaurant after a wedding reception. I remember how I got his name wrong (he has an unusual name) and how he was laughing and having fun with his friends.
• 
  Re-create your first date. Go to the same restaurant, rent the same movie, play the same music etc.
   
• Re-count stories of things like how you met, when you knew you were going to be together forever, what first attracted to you to each other, etc.
   
• Send him a sweet text message.
   
• Take a bubble bath together.
   
• Finally finish That Task You Keep Putting Off.
   
• Leave him notes all over the house. The pad next to the phone, a Post-it on the coffee maker, a note in his lunch bag.
   
• Take a moonlit walk.
   
• Make a list of everything you love about him and leave it in a place he will find it, but that isn't obvious.
   
• Write him a love poem. Don't worry if you're not good with that sort of thing; he might actually find that endearing!
   
• Dress nice and fix up the house for no reason at all.
   
• Kiss under the stars.
   
• If you have pets, write funny notes in their names. I once left my husband a funny note in our cat Slater's name, including misspelling. He thought it was cute. I did the same thing for him on Father's Day, but signed all five names.
   
• Make him a 'coupon book' with favors he can 'cash in'. Stuff like "Get out of the doghouse free', 'you pick the restaurant", "good for one free foot rub", "sexual favor of your choice", etc.
   
• If you don't work outside the home, get up with him in the morning and see him off.
   
• When he's in the shower, draw a heart in the steam on the mirror. I'd say 'lipstick', but steam is much easier to clean.
   
• On the tip above, write notes in unexpected ways. For instance, my husband once wrote 'Love You' with a pressure washer when we were cleaning the patio. I also once saw a man write a love note in Spanish all over a paper tablecloth. That might not seem like much, but it's much more than I could ever do!
   
• Send him love emails. Just make sure that they're only on his *personal* email and, if you send him 'racy' ones, make sure to label them as 'not safe for work'! Ditto pictures.
   
• If you can, designate one night a week as 'date night'. This way, you are free to go somewhere that doesn't have crayons on the table. Or, if it does, you are free to draw whatever you want. :) 
   
• On that tip-if you are an artist of sorts, draw something sweet (or sexy!) for him. 

Hopefully you'll get a lot of mileage out of these tips, as well as coming up with some of your own. It's amazing how much these little things can make a person feel loved and appreciated. What are some 'little things' you like to do?

Do's and Don'ts For Coloring Your Hair At Home

“Don't put color on your hair. Once you start, you'll never get it back to the way it was ever again.”

This is what my late mother told me when I told her I was considering coloring my hair. It wouldn't have been anything drastic-just a shade darker than my already-dark-brown hair. Like most teenagers, I didn't listen. Also, like most teenagers, I lived to regret it. It wasn't that I shouldn't have done it at all so much as that there were a lot of things that my 17-year-old self didn't consider beforehand.

Normally I would say go to a salon if you want to color your hair, but I understand that it's not always within your budget. This is especially true if you are like me and have gray roots that won't go away-at least, not for long. If you must color your hair at home, though, here are some 'dos and don'ts;' to consider.

Dos-

-Go to a professional if you want streaks or highlights. It might also be a good idea to ask a stylist to suggest a color for you, or at least give advice about the color you're considering. If you're not sure where to start looking, here's a basic guide: http://www.totalbeauty.com/content/quizzes/hair-color-for-your-skin,

-If you are coloring your hair at home, follow the directions on the package to a T. Do whatever 'patch tests' are recommended, and don't leave the color on longer than it says to. Otherwise you might end up with bright burgundy hair like I did the day of my high school graduation. I liked it, but my mom wasn't too happy.

-If you are experimenting with colors, only use temporary or semi-permanent dyes. That way, the color will gradually fade from your hair as you shampoo it rather than having to deal with roots. Also, since they don't penetrate the hair follicle as deeply (if at all) as permanent dyes, you're less likely to have lasting damage.

-Use shampoos, conditioners, etc formulated for color-treated hair. The reason for this is that colored hair needs gentle cleansers and deep moisturizers that 'regular' products don't have-at least, not in the necessary balances. The best products also protect your hair from the sun's UV rays and help enhance its shine.

-Do use root touch-up kits if that's really all you need. I say this because doing all-over dyes too often can damage your hair. There are some out there that aren't very expensive and are easy to apply at home.

Don't

-Don't go directly from dark to light, and vice versa. At least, not by yourself. Always use a salon for drastic changes, because a lot of the 'recipes' or 'suggestions' you find on the internet can really do a number on your hair. For instance, my sister used Sun-In (heat-activated peroxide spray) to go from brown to platinum blonde. It looked good once she achieved her intended color, but there were stages in between when her hair was orange. It was equally disastrous when she tried to go from the light blonde to dark brown-her hair turned purple. Also, her hair felt like straw for the next few years. Long story short-if you want a drastic change, just go to a salon.

-Don't color your hair on a whim. Take your time to pick out the right color so you won't end up with a head full of If you're doing something like dyeing your hair for a special occasion or trying out a new or outrageous color, use temporary dye.

-This might sound obvious, but don't use color to dye your eyebrows or eyelashes. This can cause blindness.

-If you screw something up, don't try to fix it on your own. Go to a salon.

There's nothing wrong with coloring your hair; in fact, it can make you feel like a completely different person. If done correctly, it can really help your confidence. It's not always as easy as the commercials make it look, though, so you need to do your homework beforehand.