Bullying In The Workplace, Part I

When you hear the word, 'bullying', what comes to mind? When I hear that term, I usually think of the stupid things like being made fun of for having a lisp I dealt with in middle school. Other people I know report being gossiped about, physically threatened and asked out by a popular guy as a joke. I know we want to think that we left that sort of thing behind when we grew up but, sadly, some people never do. Since they can't do so in the locker room, however, these 'adult bullies' pick their targets from the workplace. But how can you identify 'office bullying'? How can you tell if you or someone you know is being bullied? If bullying does go on, what can you do about it?

Some examples of workplace bullying are:

• Being singled out for criticism while others get away with murder. For instance, having a minor mistake being blown up so much that you have 8 different people talk to you about it (thank you, Office Space)
• Having work either heaped upon you for no particular reason or assigned to someone else while you are relegated to menial tasks (making copies, filing, etc) that are not part of your job description
• Having unrealistic expectations set, especially if those expectations change as you get close to achieving them. 
• Someone seems to have a personal agenda against you and you have no idea why
• Others can be nasty to you without penalty, but you are reprimanded if you defend yourself
  
• Not being told about deadlines until it is too late to meet them or having deadlines changed for no reason. For instance, I once got into trouble for missing an early-morning meeting that I had no way to know about ahead of time.
• Sometimes, being given grief about having other commitments outside of the job. For example, the incident above occurred in a part-time restaurant job. I wasn't able to come to random meetings during the week because I had a full-time job, and one manager made such a big deal about it that I quit a job I had had and enjoyed for over two years.
• Having others take credit for your work or your contributions belittled or ignored
• Superiors 'pulling rank' to get you to do things for them that aren't in your job description, an adult version of 'do my homework or I'll beat you up'
• Being the butt of teasing or gossip
• Being isolated/excluded/ignored/overridden/sidelined for no real reason
• Being pushed/coerced to quit, take early retirement, take leave, etc, such as the restaurant job I mentioned above.
• Being 'talked down to' or belittled, especially in front of others

Like I said, some people never grow out of behavior that should have ended by the time they hit puberty. While most of these are trivial in and of themselves, they can be destructive when they happen on a regular basis and add to stress you may already be feeling.

In the next post, I'll go over how you can tell if someone you know is being bullied and, if so, what you can do about it.

Bullying In The Workplace, Part II

 

In the previous post, I told you about some workplace behaviors that could be considered bullying. Now, I will give you some warning signs to look out for in yourself and other people. More than anything else, take notice if one of these things happens on a regular basis and/or is unusual for the person.

• You're constantly feeling 'on edge', like you're waiting for something bad to happen
• You can't seem to 'leave work at work'; you talk about it to the point that your friends and family tell you to shut up about it
• On the opposite end, you don't tell anyone at all because you're afraid you'll appear 'weak'
• Your blood pressure rises to the point that your doctor prescribes you medicine and/or tells you to get a different job
• You feel depressed or panicked any time you think of work. I've been here.
• You are mentally exhausted when the day is over to a point that you no longer want to participate in your normal activities. Been here too.
• You begin to think you brought it on or that you really are incompetent/annoying/etc

Exhibiting these signs doesn't necessarily mean the person is being bullied, but it's worth looking into.

The reasons people bully and how they pick their victims are the same in the office as they were on the playground.

• They're envious of you for some reason
• They want a target and you just 'happen' to be there
• They're afraid that your superior performance will make them look bad in comparison
• You refuse to go along with something illegal or that you feel is wrong
• On the tip above, you're just not part of the 'clique' and/or turned somebody down for a date/sex
• You have superior skills/work ethic/integrity/etc
• You get praise and attention from the 'higher-ups', similar to the 'teacher's pet'
• You're a 'whistle-blower'
• There's some sort of vulnerability-perfectionism, a sense of reasonableness, naiveté, an inability to say 'no' or stick up for yourself, being too concerned about what other people think of you, etc-they feel they can exploit.

Bullies bank of the idea of victims and spectators being afraid to do anything about it. That, and not knowing what to do. You might feel powerless to stop it, but that isn't necessarily true. Care should be taken so as not to make the situation worse, but there are some things you can do.

• Check your company's policies and procedures to see if there is an 'official' conflict-resolution track in place.
• Confront the person in a calm, professional manner. Who knows, maybe their behavior is due to a false perception you can clear up.
• Keep detailed records-dates, times, what happened, who was there, etc-of each occurrence. This provides leverage.
• If there's a 'higher-up' or mentor you trust, seek their advice. However, don't name names; approach them in a 'hypothetical' or 'what did you do' manner.
• Make it a point to demonstrate how good of an employee you are. That way, bullies won't get by with spreading rumors.
• Form relationships with other co-workers. Don't get them involved or 'recruit' them to your side, but having friends can help you feel less isolated.

Growing up, we are taught that life isn't fair; you're going to be around people whose behaviors and mannerisms get on your nerves. However, there's a difference between someone who plays their music too loud and someone who bad-mouths you to the boss. Anyone who does the latter is a bully, plain and simple. That label might seem silly, but sometimes we just have to call a spade a spade.