Songs For Your Long-Distance Love

As you've probably guessed, I love music. There's just something about hearing what you're thinking put to a tune that makes you feel 'understood'. In addition to the romantic and mother-child love songs I've mentioned before, I thought I'd share some of my favorite 'long-distance love songs'.

What's a 'long distance love song'? I'm defining it as a song that you can dedicate/send to your partner when s/he is far away. Also, a 'long-distance love song' can help you feel better during those nights when you notice their absence the most. I'm sure we can all relate.


I first heard this Blue October song in the grocery store, of all places! It's such an upbeat song that it can make you smile and tear up at the same time. Here's the lead up and chorus:

 Expect me to be calling you to see/if you're okay when I'm not around
Asking if you love me/I love the way you make it sound
...
And I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming/if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe/you actually picked me

You can read and hear the rest here: http://www.lyrics.com/calling-you-lyrics-blue-october.html#
The video makes it look like it's from a father to a child, but I think it works or romantic love as well. One lady said her boyfriend sent her this song while he was in Iraq. Very sweet!


When my husband and I started dating, he lived over 400 miles away. During the times I drove to see him, this song from Three Doors Down helped me a lot.

I'm here without you, baby/but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby/and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, baby/but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me


I think it's pretty obvious why I liked it. :) You can read and hear the rest here: http://www.lyrics.com/here-without-you-lyrics-3-doors-down.html#

Anyone who listened to 'hair metal' 'Hair Metal' in the 80s (wow, dating myself here!) can agree that Mötley Crüe isn't exactly known for their love ballads. That's part of what makes their song, 'Home Sweet Home' stand out-


I know I'm a dreamer/ but my heart's of gold
I've had to run away high/so I wouldn't come home low
'Just when things went right'/doesn't mean they're always wrong
Just take this song and you'll never feel left all alone
Take me to your heart/Baby in your bones
Just one more night and I'm comin' off this long winding road


You can hear and read the rest here: http://www.lyrics.com/home-sweet-home-lyrics-mtley-cre.html#
Even if you're not a fan of the group, it's worth a listen.


To put another twist on the 'I miss you' tip, here's an R&B song by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown. I like this one because it's a duet, so it speaks from both sides. This one doesn't appear to be about a long-distance relationship so much as a breakup that was brought on because one person had to go away, but I could be wrong.  Here's part of the chorus:

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air


You can hear and read the rest here:
http://www.lyrics.com/no-air-lyrics-jordin-sparks.html#


Are there any songs that are particularly meaningful to you?

Is It Possible To Be Asexual?

Yesterday I read an advice column letter about a man who doesn't like sex. Dear Prudence

Scroll down to the middle of the page. 

I found this really interesting and confusing at the same time. After all, who doesn't like sex? More pointedly, what man doesn't like sex? I guess when we see how, um, hormonal some men can get, it's hard to imagine. :) However, I guess it is possible to be 'asexual'. I think this is worth mentioning because a lot of people will worry about their teenagers (or themselves) if they haven't expressed interest in or had a relationship with the opposite sex. I've experienced this firsthand, albeit not from my parents. While I don't think there is any reason to worry, others may disagree. Plus, I just found it interesting.

First, let me give some definitions. When I say 'asexual', I'm not talking about someone who has another reason not to want to have sex. For instance, monks and priests will take a vow of celibacy because of their commitment to their religion. I have a sorority sister who feels she is 'called to be single' in the same way the apostle Paul speaks about being able to focus on his missionary work because he's not distracted by anything else. This is because celibacy is a behavior, not an orientation.

I'm also not talking about someone who doesn't want sex because they've had some sort of trauma. Judging from the ones I know, it seems that many rape victims go one of two directions-they either don't want anything to do with sex or they do it like it's nothing. They may still feel desire, but their past experience either scares them or takes any possible appeal out of it. I can't say I blame them.

On a lighter note, I'm also not talking about a guy who hasn't had a girlfriend in a while and says he's 'asexual' so people will stop thinking he's gay. This was my stepbrother in high school. We've been out of school for a good while now, and he still gets that sometimes. I don't know about his 'desires' and, frankly, I don't want to know. There's not enough 'brain bleach' in the world to get that stain out. :)

I'm talking about people who have no sexual desire at all, or will only develop it after first making an emotional connection. I've also heard of asexual people who experience desire, but it's not often enough to make a difference or strong enough to want to act on it.

I found it interesting to see that asexuality doesn't necessarily mean that they are perpetually single. Like the gentleman in the letter above, asexual people can definitely form romantic connections. In fact, I think it might actually be easier for them to do this because they can focus more on the emotional aspects. I've known people (mostly men) who stayed in a relationship with someone they actually couldn't stand simply because that person was good in the sack. I know from experience how painful it can be when we mistake a sexual connection for an emotional one.

Like others who don't have kids 'by a certain age', some asexual people are thought to be 'disordered' because they don't have the urge to procreate that everyone thinks they should have. This isn't true; some people, like the sorority sister I mention above, simply don't care. It's not a defense mechanism because she's never had sex or a relationship to defend herself from; she just doesn't think about it.

If this post has piqued your interest, check out this article. http://queereka.com/2012/04/10/13-myths-and-misconceptions-about-asexual-people-part-one/ Personally, I just like to see how other people live.

7 Bad Reasons To Stay In A Relationship, Part II

(continued from previous post)

5) You don't know when to quit. It's true that every relationship has its ups and downs as time and life goes on. In fact, I think part of the reason for the high divorce rate in this country is that some people have no concept of this and bail once it's not fun anymore. However, it's very possible to lean too far in the other direction. We think that if we just work a little harder on things, change ourselves enough or change him enough, things will work out. This isn't necessarily true. Sometimes a relationship can't be saved because it's not meant to be saved.

6) You don't want to hurt him/be mean/etc. For many of us, our good nature tells us that we have to be nice all the time. If we hurt someone or do something that could be seen as 'mean', we feel guilty. I once had someone manipulate me like this, and I regret it to this day. He threatened to hurt himself more than once, and I didn't want to be responsible for something like that. Who would? If he says something like this to get you to stay, don't fall for it! If someone is unbalanced enough to hurt himself because of a breakup, he needs a lot more help than you could give. This is coming from someone who has been on both sides.

Think about it this way; what would you rather have done for you? Would you rather him stay with you when he clearly doesn't want to, or would you want him to break it off all at once? The longer a breakup is dragged out, the more painful it is for everyone.

7) You're afraid to be alone. This is a big one for me. You might have been in a relationship of some kind for so long that you don't know what to do with yourself if you don't have a partner. You worry that you won't be able to get him back if you realize you made a mistake or if you can't find anyone else. Trust me, being alone is better than being with the wrong person. Also, you're probably not truly alone-you have friends, family, pets, etc. As hard as it is to leave our 'comfort zone', sometimes it's the only thing we can do. 'The devil you know' is still a devil.

If one or more of these things are true for you, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner. Yes, the breakup will hurt. That's a given. However, sometimes there is no painless way out of a situation. If you stay too long in the wrong relationship, you may miss out on the right one.

It's well worth the effort to save a good relationship. However, if you are always trying to save it, it's probably not a good relationship.

7 Bad Reasons To Stay In A Relationship, Part 1

Have you ever been in a bad relationship? I'm not necessarily talking about abuse; I'm talking about staying in a situation you aren't happy with. I've had relationships where we both knew it was over, but no one wanted to say the words. I've also had them where I wasn't happy but, for whatever reason, I thought I had to stay. I know I'm not alone in this. Have you ever wondered why his happens? Here are some of the more common (and also more destructive) reasons.

1) You feel pressured to settle down. While it's true that attitudes regarding women and relationships have come a long way in the past few decades, some of us may still feel as though we are 'behind'. Think about it-have you ever had your mother ask when you are going to give her grandchildren? Do well-meaning friends and relatives try to 'set you up' with people they know? “I just met X's son...he's a dentist, he's single, he doesn't have any kids or ex-wives etc. ” You get the idea. Also, are all of your friends married? The pressure to settle down and start a family can be enormous, sometimes to the point where we will stay in a relationship we don't want to be in because we feel like we 'have to'. As much as we want to please Grandma or give her great-grandchildren before she dies (another common 'rationalization'), remember that she is not the one who has to live with your partner; you are. Don't stay in an unhappy relationship to please someone else.

2) Your 'biological clock' is ticking. On the same tip as above, some women stay with a partner they aren't happy with because they want to have a child. I'm not getting any younger, they think, so I'd better settle down and have a child before it's 'too late'. I completely understand this; in fact, sometimes the clock ticks so loud that I fear I'll go deaf. However, don't stay with a man because think time is running out. The truth is that all of those 'facts' we heard growing up about the dangers of having kids in our late 30s and beyond are no longer true; that is, if they ever were to begin with. Until you enter menopause, you are not 'too old'.

3) The sex is great. He might rock your world in the bedroom, but what happens when you're not in bed? What will it be like when the 'sparks' inevitably fade?

4) 'For The Kids”. This is admirable, but kids often pick up on negative feelings in their home. In fact, several of my friends whose parents have stayed together when they weren't happy tell me that they wish their parents had just gotten a divorce because it made them feel guilty. They felt that they were ultimately the cause of their parents' pain and just wanted everyone to be happy, even if that meant they weren't living in the same house anymore. Yes, their parents' breakup was hard, but it was better than having to listen to them fight all the time or knowing that they didn't love each other the way spouses should. Remember, this is how they learn how to handle their own relationships in the future.

For brevity's sake, I will continue this in another post.

Cute Romantic Gestures

I've been around a lot of happy marriages. For instance,  my parents were married for 28 years and would have been married for 28 more had my mother not passed away. My brother and his partner have been together for 33 years-almost as long as I've been alive. When I was working in a fancy restaurant, I once waited on a couple who had been married for over 50 years and still liked each other! When you consider that many couples nowadays barely celebrate their 2nd anniversary, you know what an achievement that is! When asked what their 'secret' is, they all said that part of keeping romance alive comes from not settling into a pattern-while they may not go all out like they may have done before, they still do some 'little things' to show their love for each other. I figure that, if it worked for them, maybe it will work for us too.  On that tip, here are some ways to surprise your partner and let you know you're thinking of him.

• Re-call good memories. For instance, my husband and I met at a wedding. I think it's sweet that he still remembers the song ("Fire Woman" by the Blue Oyster Cult) that was playing in the car when we drove to a restaurant after a wedding reception. I remember how I got his name wrong (he has an unusual name) and how he was laughing and having fun with his friends.
• 
  Re-create your first date. Go to the same restaurant, rent the same movie, play the same music etc.
   
• Re-count stories of things like how you met, when you knew you were going to be together forever, what first attracted to you to each other, etc.
   
• Send him a sweet text message.
   
• Take a bubble bath together.
   
• Finally finish That Task You Keep Putting Off.
   
• Leave him notes all over the house. The pad next to the phone, a Post-it on the coffee maker, a note in his lunch bag.
   
• Take a moonlit walk.
   
• Make a list of everything you love about him and leave it in a place he will find it, but that isn't obvious.
   
• Write him a love poem. Don't worry if you're not good with that sort of thing; he might actually find that endearing!
   
• Dress nice and fix up the house for no reason at all.
   
• Kiss under the stars.
   
• If you have pets, write funny notes in their names. I once left my husband a funny note in our cat Slater's name, including misspelling. He thought it was cute. I did the same thing for him on Father's Day, but signed all five names.
   
• Make him a 'coupon book' with favors he can 'cash in'. Stuff like "Get out of the doghouse free', 'you pick the restaurant", "good for one free foot rub", "sexual favor of your choice", etc.
   
• If you don't work outside the home, get up with him in the morning and see him off.
   
• When he's in the shower, draw a heart in the steam on the mirror. I'd say 'lipstick', but steam is much easier to clean.
   
• On the tip above, write notes in unexpected ways. For instance, my husband once wrote 'Love You' with a pressure washer when we were cleaning the patio. I also once saw a man write a love note in Spanish all over a paper tablecloth. That might not seem like much, but it's much more than I could ever do!
   
• Send him love emails. Just make sure that they're only on his *personal* email and, if you send him 'racy' ones, make sure to label them as 'not safe for work'! Ditto pictures.
   
• If you can, designate one night a week as 'date night'. This way, you are free to go somewhere that doesn't have crayons on the table. Or, if it does, you are free to draw whatever you want. :) 
   
• On that tip-if you are an artist of sorts, draw something sweet (or sexy!) for him. 

Hopefully you'll get a lot of mileage out of these tips, as well as coming up with some of your own. It's amazing how much these little things can make a person feel loved and appreciated. What are some 'little things' you like to do?

Quotes About Love And Marriage

In honor of Valentine's Day, here are some of my favorite quotes about love and marriage. I know several of them are actually song lyrics, but there's just something about a good love song that stays with you. Music is one of the few things that can inspire and depress you at the same time.

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.-Aristotle

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. Antoine de Saint Exupery, author

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.-A. A. Milne, author

When you are in love, you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.-Dr. Seuss, author. Who said he could only do kids' books? :)

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins. -Lao Tzu

Marriage, like a lot of other things in life, is what you make of it.-my parents

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.-Bruce Lee, actor

When I look into your eyes, I can see forever.-Survivor, 'The Search Is Over' . I can never hear this song without crying.

Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner. It feels limitless, not limited.-Gloria Steinem

The relationship between husband and wife should be one of closest friends. -B. R. Ambedkar, Indian philosopher and activist

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.-Judy Garland, actress

I know this isn't very Valentine's-y, but breakups are a part of love that we have (or will) to face. Breaking up can actually be positive because we often learn something about ourselves and what we want in life as time goes on. That, and getting rid of the wrong person frees up space in your heart for the right person.

If you go into a marriage thinking you're going to get divorced, you might as well not even bother.-my dad

Watch how a man treats his mother, because that's how he'll end up treating you. -A lot of people. Trust me, it's true. 

Maybe get rid of you and then I'll get back to me.-TLC

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than to try to hurt yourself putting them back together.-Unknown

Every Time I scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it. - Alanis Morrisette, singer/songwriter

I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face than spend one more minute with you.-'Weird Al' Yankovic

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a teardrop.-unknown

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.-Mark Twain, author

Do's and Don'ts of Wedding Planning

I'm the one in the middle!

 

I hear you just got engaged. Congratulations! Now comes the hard part-planning that big day. Some of us grew up hearing that our wedding day was going to be the best day of our lives. We might have had it mentally planned out by the time we were ten (I didn't), but now it's time to put the pedal to the metal and actually start putting things together. I'm no expert, but here are some tips that helped me when I was getting married.

Do decide what is important early on. A good rule of thumb is to pick three things that you absolutely must have on your wedding day, and 'rank' the rest. For me, it was the dress, a religious ceremony and having my friends and family involved. Having this sort of 'ranking' can help you decide where to put the most money so you don't end up spending a lot on things like fancy pew bows or party favors that don't matter much to you.

Don't dress your bridesmaids up in ugly dresses. I know some people say that bridesmaids' dresses are supposed to be ugly so the bride can look better in comparison, but that's completely false. As you can see from the picture above, mine were really nice.

Do look to your friends for ideas, but-

Don't let people fix the problems in their wedding through yours. Your friends probably just want to save you any trouble they had, but some people take it a step too far and give advice that sounds more like they are talking to themselves than to you. They mean no harm; in fact, they usually don't even realize they're doing it. Case in point-a friend of mine told me that, since we were going to have dancing, I should have a sit-down dinner rather than heavy appetizers at the reception. She gave the fact that people left her wedding reception early (and the upset it caused her) as the reasoning. I see her point, but there are two problems with that.

1. Our definitions of 'heavy appetizers' were different. Hers involved cake, fruit, cheese and crackers-things you'd expect to find after church during coffee hour. Mine-and that of the catering company-involved cake, short ribs, new potatoes, salads and an extensive 'make your own sandwich' station. Hers was a snack where mine could easily be made into dinner. Also-
2. Hers was at 2pm and mine was at 5pm. People left our reception after only a couple of hours, but we were fine with that because they had to put their kids to bed and we were exhausted!

I said all that to say that you have to take everyone's advice with a grain (or shaker) of salt. Even if you are not as easily influenced/naïve about weddings as I was, it's not hard for an overwhelmed bride to be swept along with the tide.

Do use whatever connections you have. If your mom knows a photographer from bowling or your friend's father is a priest, don't be afraid to ask. Also, don't just think of the wedding. My stepsister was a manager at a very posh beachfront restaurant and had some of her coworkers join her in making our rehearsal dinner. I didn't even think of that-that was my parents' doing. They paid for it, after all. Which leads me to my next point-

Do be realistic about the budget! One thing I've noticed about a lot of 'bridezillas' I've seen is that they went into their wedding day expecting it to be some fairy-tale setup with no expense spared but, when they realized that most families can't afford to have Billy Joel play the wedding march under an archway of gardenias, they thought their lives were over. This is a slight exaggeration, of course, but you get the point. Be realistic about what you can afford and find a way to work within your budget. That's where the 'ranking' I mentioned earlier comes into play.

Hopefully now you have an idea of how to make the planning of your wedding day a little less stressful. Things might not go perfectly, but that doesn't mean it still can't be the best day of your life.

More Breakup Songs

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I've written posts before about how music can greatly impact our moods and lives. When we are in love, we might enjoy a good love song. When we are going through a breakup, however, that is probably the last thing we want to hear! Tear-jerkers can help when you have a lot of crying to do, but you can't stay in that stage forever. Eventually, your neighbor is going to get tired of hearing you playing the same sad song over and over again. Also, your roommate might not enjoy having to duck to avoid getting hit by the darts you've been throwing at your ex's picture for the past two weeks. Eventually, you're going to have to find a way to laugh again. Toward that end, here are some break-up songs that express the sentiments many of us feel in ways that are fun for everyone else to listen to.

One of my favorite breakup songs is Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats'. The whole song is funny, but here's the chorus:

And he don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up 4-wheel drive

Carved my name into his leather seat

Took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights

Slashed a hole in all four tires

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

You can read and hear the rest of the song here: http://www.metrolyrics.com/before-he-cheats-lyrics-carrie-underwood.html

I know that revenge isn't a very productive or Christian thing to do, but sometimes it's good to know that you're not alone in your feelings. That, and it's fun to imagine someone as small as Carrie Underwood beating up a pickup truck.

When it comes to song parodies, few singers are better at making us laugh than Weird Al Yankovic. Even the songs that aren't directly making fun of a specific song can still have you rolling on the floor. For example, here's one done in 50's doo-wop style:

Oh, honey, let me help you with that suitcase

You ain't gonna break my heart in two

'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face

Then spend one more minute with you.

It just gets funnier as it goes on. You can read and hear the rest of 'One More Minute' here:

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/w/weird+al+yankovic/one+more+minute_20145860.html

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie The Wedding Singer, but it's about, well, a wedding singer who gets left at the altar and ends up falling for another woman. In the wedding reception after his breakup, Adam Sandler sings a hilarious version of this song by the J. Giels Band.

You love her, but she loves him

And he loves somebody else, you just can't win

And so it goes until the day you die

This thing they call love, it's gonna make you cry

If you'd like to hear it in an 'angry-female' style, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts also 'covered' this song.

You can read and hear the rest of 'Love Stinks' here:

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/j+geils+band/love+stinks_20250109.html

I don't know who coined the phrase, 'Laughter is the best medicine', but they knew what they were talking about. Having a few good laughs at your ex's expense is a great way to make the pain of a breakup a little less pressing. Enjoy!

Breakup songs

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Anger. Hurt. Frustration. Disappointment.

When it comes to the myriad of emotions surrounding a breakup, they can be overwhelming if we don't find a way to deal with them. One of the most effective ways I have found to 'get the feelings out' (and believe me, I've had to) is to listen to music. There's something about hearing the things you're feeling coming from someone else in 'verse form' that makes you feel understood-'Someone else gets it'. Here are some of the more cathartic songs I have found. Notice that I'm not mentioning any of the 'F*** you' songs, because those are easy enough to find on their own.

One of my favorite 'breakup songs' is 'Similar Features' by Melissa Etheridge. Here is the chorus:

Go on and close your eyes, imagine me there

She's got similar features, with longer hair

And if that's what it takes

To get you through

Go on and close your eyes

It shouldn't bother you

You can hear and read the rest here:

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/melissa+etheridge/similar+features_20091610.html

Some would say that it has a 'F*** you' element, but I personally find it more meaningful than that. I suppose that could be because it describes a situation I was in-I had an ex who messed around with a friend of mine shortly before he asked me to take him back. Whenever my friend and I would go places together, people would think we were sisters. Either way, the basic message is, 'Go ahead and think you'll be fine without me. You won't'.

When she first came out, Melissa Etheridge was considered to be rather angry in her songs. For instance, here is another favorite of mine: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/melissa+etheridge/like+the+way+i+do_20091607.html

When it comes to 'Please, please take me back', Toni Braxton does a good job in expressing it in 'Un-Break My Heart'. Here's the chorus:

Un-break my heart

Say you'll love me again

Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life

Un-cry these tears

I cried so many nights

Un-break my heart

The rest is here: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/toni+braxton/un+break+my+heart_20139061.html

'Dear Lie' by TLC is another good one. There are several theories about what the 'lie' is that they're talking about. (a bad relationship, a guilty conscience, a poor self-image someone instilled in them, etc), but the basic sentiment of 'it's over now, you don't have any power over me anymore' is empowering in and of itself. 

Get out of my mouth

Get out of my head

Get out of my mind

Stop putting words in my head

Get out of my mouth, you're nothing but trouble

Get out of my life

Get outta me, outta me, outta me,

Lie

The rest is here: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tlc/dar+lie+radio+edit_20188124.html

In terms of, “I know you've moved on, but I haven't yet.”, there's 'Someone Like You' by Adele:

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said

“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead”

“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead”

This one is quite the tearjerker. The rest is here:

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/adele/someone+like+you_20895042.html

Hopefully you will find these songs as helpful as I do. What are some of your favorite 'breakup songs'?

Love Songs That Even The Lovelorn Can Enjoy

If you're like me, few things elicit more emotion than a love song.  Even when I'm dealing with a breakup and don't want to listen to all the, 'I'll love you forever' on the radio, a well-written and well-performed love song just stirs up something in me that makes me appreciate the sentiment being expressed. I'm sure you have your own list, but I've found several songs that are very inspirational to me regardless of my mood. Hopefully they can inspire you too.

One song that I find to be particularly beautiful is called 'The Story'. It was originally performed by Brandi Carlile, but I first heard it when Sara Ramirez ('Callie Torres') sang it on a musical episode of 'Grey's Anatomy'.  No matter who is singing it, it's a beautiful song. It's hard for me to pick my favorite parts, so here is the first verse:

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
If you've got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you

You can read the rest of the lyrics here-http://www.songlyrics.com/brandi-carlile/the-story-lyrics/

I don't know if you were a fan of 'Ally McBeal' when it was airing, but there's an episode where Josh Groban plays a lovesick teenager who sings to the girl he loves at the prom. The song starts off like this:

Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you

Just reading the words makes me tear up. His voice is *incredible*, so here are the words with a video:
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/josh+groban/youre+still+you_10153938.html

To change the beat up a bit, here's a very upbeat selection from a jazz (?) singer named Mama Cass Elliot. It's been 'covered' many times; If you're a child of the 80s, you might remember hearing it in the Corey Feldman/Corey Haim movie 'Dream a Little Dream'. The chorus goes like this:

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger 'til dawn, dear
Just sayin' this.

It's got a really fun beat, no matter who's singing it. You can hear it and find the words here: http://www.lyricstime.com/mama-cass-elliot-dream-a-little-dream-of-me-lyrics.html.

Of course, no list of beautiful love songs would be complete without the song, 'Hallelujah'. It's been covered many times, but the original is from a Jewish singer named Leonard Cohen. Here's a completely random fact: Orthodox Jews believe that many men in the family line 'Cohen' are directly descended from Aaron, Moses' brother and the first high priest! Even if he himself isn't of this line, he's still pretty impressive. One verse:

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

The rest of the song is here:
http://www.a-z-music-lyrics.com/song/?lyrics=Hallelujah&artist=Leonard%20Cohen

I hope you find yourself inspired (or moved) by these songs. Like I said before, they can be enjoyed for their poetic and musical merit alone. The fact that they would make great dedications to a partner is just icing on the cake!

5 Great Date Places In New York

Dating, regardless of what age you are and what type of relationship if any at all you may be seeking, is just plain challenging. Imagine dating when you live in a huge city and have a very busy schedule as well. With the tremendous success of the internet, online dating service and finding that special person just for you has grown so much. New York singles dating is growing for the main reason that most are too busy to trouble themselves with going to clubs to find companionship. Once you have found that special someone that you connect with and wish to learn a bit more about them, meeting them for New York state dating is ideal. Look for places to meet your new friend that are fun, safe and quiet enough so that you an both hear each other to speak and get to know one another. Be you at all times and relax, you will have a great time!

1. Coney Island- One such place that is perfect and has that romantic quality, is Coney Island. This destination will put some fun into your New York online dating scene. This location bodes rides, and aquarium and beautiful fireworks in the summer season. The smells alone of the area take you back to being a child and you both can enjoy some delicious snacks while there as well.

2. Central Park- Online dating New York can come alive when you take the dates outdoors. The scenery is perfect almost any time of year and it is one of the best places to start a conversation with. You can have a nice picnic weather permitting or enjoy walking your dogs together here. During the fall season, this is an ideal place to go on a date and take in all the beautiful foliage.

3. Fun Restaurants- Dating online in New York can be so much fun when you step up your plan and meet in person over a bite to eat. Food brings people together, it shows you what things they like and makes coming up with great conversations a cinch. Find places that will encourage you both to work together such as one that you can participate in making your meals or a sushi bar.

4. Broadway Shows- Online Dating New York services are simple to get involved in and who knows, you just may have a fun in the end? One great way to ensure you will have a great time with your online dating in Rochester, New York adventures. Anytime of year you can find tons of shows that are live are truly one of kind and can only be found in the big apple.

5. Times Square- Take your dating new online service York to another level by visiting this exciting hotspot! You can walk around the streets and find dining, entertainment and great photo opportunities. This is one way to turn up the fun on your free online dating New York process!

Must-have movies for a 'chick-flick' party

However much we love the men in our lives, sometimes we just need to hang out with the girls. After all, guys don't usually consider shoe shopping and drooling over Ryan Reynolds when he takes of his shirt in National Lampoon's Van Wilder to be a good time. There are some things you just can't do with the 'menfolk' around.

When I had a particularly difficult breakup, some of my friends got together and threw me a 'chick flick' party. We ate ice cream, watched The First Wives Club and, to quote one friend, 'bitched about men'. It wasn't that my friends were man-haters so much as that they were trying to give me a way to get vent some of my frustration with the breakup. However, 'chick-flicks' don't always have to be 'angry'. Many have stories that are simply more appealing to women. Here are some of my favorite 'chick flicks'.

• Dirty Dancing. Jennifer Grey-before the nose job-makes beautiful music with a young and gorgeous Patrick Swayze on a 1960s family vacation to the Catskills. It's mostly a story about a shy young girl finding herself and her first love, but the soundtrack and wonderful dance scenes make this a slumber-party staple. Plus, he takes off his shirt.
• The Princess Bride. Here, a young woman loses the love of her life, only to find that he isn't dead after all. Problem is, she's engaged to a prince. She might be a fairy-tale princess, but she is no shrinking violet. Her first love enlists the help of some fairy-tale friends to rescue the princess and live happily ever after. To answer the first question of the movie...yes, it's a kissing book.
• The First Wives Club. This one isn't about 'man-bashing' so much as celebrating female friendships. The premise is that three college friends reunite after the suicide of another friend in the wake of her husband leaving her for another woman. The women get together and use their anger at their ex-spouses to build up their confidence and reinforce the friendships that they had let slide over the years. They do end up making their exes pay-literally, but the biggest theme is about how a woman doesn't need a man to be 'complete'. You can see why this was a good 'breakup-therapy' movie choice.
• Chicago. I'm only calling this one a 'chick flick' because most (straight) men I know don't like musicals. The men might like the skimpy outfits some of the women wear during the dance numbers, but the song Cell Block Tango where the women talk about how the murdered their husbands/boyfriends made the boyfriend I saw the movie with rather uncomfortable. For the record, it's not 'anti-man' so much as 'anti-bad behavior', and there were a few other songs from/about strong women. If you're upset about a breakup, hearing 'he had it coming' can be very cathartic.

These are only a few 'chick-flicks' that can make any girls' night fun. If you want, the American Movie Channel's website has a list of the most memorable 'girl movies.  Have fun!

Why So Many Relationships Fail Over Finances

With the way the world has gone up and down financially over the past few years, there certainly are a lot more jobs that are lost and companies closing or downsizing as a result if it. With those extreme changes and the ever rising cost of living expenses, it is not exactly shocking to see more divorces and breakups occurring each day.

When two people are married or living together they share a responsibility to maintain their finances. In some cases, one spouse will go out into the workforce and the other will raise the children or one party is in school obtaining their degree and the other is working. Either way, when one person or both parties are suffering financially it can be a tremendous burden on the relationship. For this reason you should always plan ahead with your future finances and how you would survive should one of you fall off track or even become ill. What you can do is prior to living together, make those plans and calculate what you both need to save in the event some form of emergency arises and also figure out any savings plans you can both take part in. If you are both saving to buy your own home then account for that, if you have college loans to repay then account for those it is all a matter of planning ahead and making a budget.

When you are already living together and the budget is thrown out the window due to a financial change in your lives, you have to correct it together or the relationship can end suddenly. Many couples cannot work through financial issues without fighting or blaming one party for the decline in available funds. If you both still want the relationship but have no idea how to repair your finances then look into doing some research on your own. Find a financial planner you can afford, read books regarding wise tactics to get out of debt and start cutting back on all of the unnecessary purchases you both are making each month. You must realize in the relationship that money is something anyone can obtain more of if they are willing to put in the effort. Anyone get obtain a second job or drive a less expensive car, live in a cheaper home things like that to help the financial strain. The relationship you are in however, cannot be replaced in the future so you need to think very carefully about ending the partnership before you actually go through with it. Often times the money problems are still present even after the couples have split, but they are regretting the decision to split thinking they would be better off financially when they did. Talk it over with your partner and make wise financial decisions, do not spend money ever without your mate being aware of it as that will cause a great deal of turmoil at some point when the truth is prevailed. Be honest and work with one another to find a common goal with your finances that will work best for you both.

Can Long Distance Relationships Work? Some Advice From a 'Veteran'

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When I say, 'veteran', I don't mean being in the armed services. What I mean is that I've been in a number of long-distance relationships. In fact, my current husband and I were in a long-distance relationship up until I moved to Georgia to be with him. The relationship before that was also long- distance, so I've come to learn a lot about how these things work. Hopefully I can use this experience to help others deal with the challenges long-distance couples face.

I'll start off by saying this: your relationship needs to be aiming for the two of you to eventually be at the same place. It is very hard for a relationship to build the kind of commitment and intimacy needed to work long-term if you don't have a goal in mind. It needs to be going somewhere, or else it's just going to stagnate and make both you and your partner miserable. I don't mean to be overdramatic; it's just that I have been in this position before I met my husband. Saying, 'I'll move there after XYZ is finished' when there's no clear plan for XYZ or just, “I'll move there eventually” isn't going to cut it. It might work fine for the short-term but, if you're trying to build or maintain a long-term relationship, there needs to be a plan for the future. You don't necessarily have to have your wedding planned out, but the two of you need to be on the same page so that one person doesn't feel like they are doing all the 'work'. Trust me on this one!

Also, you need to keep in regular contact. This probably goes without saying, but it is essential to keep the lines of communication open and to use them on a regular basis. I'd suggest at least four to five days a week, but you can work out what works best for you. Set aside a specific time-say, weeknights after Letterman-that the two of you will devote to talking/chatting to each other. If you have a more-or-less regular schedule, you'll be able to focus more and be sure you don't miss the calls. When you do talk to each other, be sure there is some quality to the conversations. You may not always have a whole lot to say, but make those phone calls count.

Be very upfront with each other about how you are feeling. Even with regular calls and visits, you can still get lonely at times. Loneliness can sometimes lead you to do things you otherwise wouldn't, so being honest about this is very helpful. Perhaps there is something you can both change to relieve the loneliness but, even if there isn't, being upfront can help you better deal with it. Keeping busy can help a lot in terms of giving you something to take your mind off of things.

I hope the advice I've given here can help you in your relationship. It definitely takes effort, but good ones are worth it.

Five ways to get over a breakup

There's a saying that, “it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” That may be, but that doesn't mean that the 'losing' part doesn't hurt while you're dealing with it. Breaking up is never an easy thing to do, but there are a few ways that you can ease any pain you may be feeling.

• Get depressed. Then, get dressed. Let yourself feel sad, angry or whatever is is that you're feeling. If you don't deal with your feelings, they're just going to get worse. However, don't wallow in them for too long.
• Have a 'chick flick' party. When I had a particularly difficult breakup, my friends consoled me by throwing me a 'chick flick' party. We got together in my dorm room with several pints of ice cream, candy, soda and The First Wives' Club. This movie is one of the ultimate 'girl power' movies, which made it perfect for our 'get over him' theme. Few things make you forget the bad parts of a relationship better than Ben and Jerry's! For some reason, Cherry Garcia seems to have a particularly therapeutic effect. :)
• Remove any 'evidence' of him that you can. While you may not be able to get rid of all reminders of your ex (especially living, breathing ones!), there's no reason that you have to keep everything lying around. Put away the jewelry he gave you, that tape of love songs he made and any other 'reminders' that you can. I'm not saying throw them out because many of them do have value to you, but it might be easier to get over him if you don't have to look at his face all the time. You can bring everything back out later on.
• Enlist the help of your friends. A breakup is a good time to lean on your friends. That is one reason the 'chick flick' party was so helpful; my friends refused to allow me to wallow in self-pity and made sure I had a good time. Find ways to spend more time with your friends, particularly if you weren't able to when you were with your ex.
• Stay away from the old haunts. That nice little bistro you went to on your first date is now officially off-limits. At least, it is until you can walk by it without thinking of him. When you're trying to get over a breakup, one of the last things you need is something that will trigger wistful thoughts of the good times you had together. While it will be good to be able to remember these things later on, you might be a bit too raw for this at first.

These are just a few suggestions I've picked up along the way. I can't tell you how to deal with your particular relationships, but it's good to have a few ideas as to how to get over your ex and get back to life again.

Creative and Inexpensive Valentine's Day Gifts

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Do you want to get a Valentine's Day gift for that special someone, but don't have money to burn? Are you tired of those 'conversation hearts' that taste like chalk, or those 'soft-center surprise' chocolates? Do you just want to get the person or people you love something that's different from the norm and that they might get more use out of? I've been there. Money isn't exactly my friend right now, and I have a husband with unusual tastes. Times like this call for a Valentine's Day gift that is still fun, but doesn't cost a lot of money and that isn't 'same-old, same-old'. Here are a few ideas I've picked up over the years.

“Love Coupon” book. They sell these in a lot of stores, but you can easily make them with a simple printer. Each 'coupon' could be good for whatever you want- “redeemable for one free back rub”, “You get to pick the restaurant”, “free pass to go out with the guys”, etc. I think my favorite is the “get out of the doghouse free” card! The only limit is your imagination.

'Game Day' gift basket. For the sports fan, you can make a gift basket of his favorite snack foods and drinks in a 'game day' theme. It doesn't have to be very expensive-beer, popcorn, chips and pizza coupons would do. Depending on the sport, you can also probably find chocolates in the shape of the ball used. I haven't seen any chocolate hockey pucks for my hockey-fan husband, so I could make brownies or cookies in the same shape with his favorite team's logo on it. If he's not into sports, you could do the same thing in a 'movie night' or 'TV night' theme. It doesn't really matter what the theme is; he'll appreciate that you went to the trouble to put together a gift basket just for him!

Classic love note. In these days when everything is typed, it's easy to forget how much of a thrill it can be to get a handwritten love note. My parents used to leave little love notes around the house for each other-on the pad by the phone, in my dad's lunch box, a Post-It placed inside of a book, etc. It doesn't have to be drawn-out or anything, just 'I love you' or some other sweet nothing will suffice.

'Mix Tape' 2.0. iTunes and Rhapsody make it pretty easy to create a CD with songs that make you think of him. Being able to buy jewel cases and make your own CD jackets makes it even easier to personalize a CD just for him. If there are songs associated with things in your relationship-the first dance at your wedding, what was playing on the radio when you first kissed, etc-, list them along with a note about the memory. You could also do what my friend did-create different CDs or playlists to reflect different moods. Even if you don't have a 'theme' other than songs you know he likes, he'll appreciate the effort.

As you can see, you don't necessarily have to spend a lot of money to be romantic on Valentine's Day. Sometimes the best gifts are the ones that don't cost anything, but you know they come from the heart.

Tips To Prevent Going Through A Divorce

All relationships take quite a bit of effort, for both parties. Unfortunately, divorces are becoming more popular and couples have lost the determination to continue to improve their commitments without failing. Divorce is never an event that couples intend on going through, it is a common circumstance that millions of households are faced with every year.

While there will always be many couples that have simply destroyed their relationships and cannot possibly repair them, those marriages are doomed for divorce. There are however, thousands of them that can be salvaged and to avoid a divorce should always be an option if possible. When couples are faced with the terms of the divorce it can be more of an emotional struggle than what is needed. Not only is it emotionally strenuous, but it can also be financially challenging and even worse if there are children involved. To work things out for the couples that still love one another and in the cases where bridges have not been burned, it is much easier to seek the help and guidance to make things work.

The first issues that must be addressed are to be completely honest and candid with your spouse. This many equate even exposing certain feelings or thoughts that you may have had with your spouse to ensure that you are being honest and encouraging your spouse to trust you. Two people can be married for years and while they may not feel the same they once did when they got married, if they trust one another then they can essentially continue a civil marriage and begin to work out the kinks.

The second element is to always talk it out, open communication is imperative in a marriage. If you fester up hurt or angry feelings and keep them inside you, in due time those feelings will be expressed in the middle of an argument with your spouse.

Next, if you truly love your spouse then show it through your actions. This means embracing your husband or wife when you see them, and making time to be with them. If you work nonstop all week long, then you best make some time during the weekends to be with your spouse and to experience all that life has to enjoy together. A simple hug or quick dinner together can mean the world in a struggling marriage. Once those small tokens of effort are noticed they also become contagious as well. It is as if you are near someone with a great laugh, you also begin laughing and the thoughtful gestures you put out there will be appreciated especially in a struggling marriage.

Learning to appreciate your spouse all over again may take a few weeks, but it is well worth the time. This is the person you were so fond of that you decided to marry them, make that the primary focus and after a few weeks of extra effort from both parties you may feel as if you are now in a brand new marriage!

Signs A Relationship Might Not Work Out

My parents once told me, 'never date anyone you couldn't marry.' If you think about it, it's really good advice. You don't want to waste your time with a person or in a position that isn't good for you. Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship. There have been so many times that I've stayed in relationships longer than I really should have because I couldn't admit to myself that it wasn't going to work out. I wasted a lot of time and energy this way! In the hopes that I can save you from doing the same thing, here are a few signs that a relationship isn't going to work out.

• You and your partner are not at the same place and/or stage in your lives. This is where age can be a factor. Even if you are the same age, however, problems can crop up if you are at two totally different and conflicting places in your lives. For instance, someone still living at home while in school is probably in a different stage than an independently-living professional. A young, single person is usually in a different stage than someone who is divorced with kids. If you are working toward being in the same place in your lives, that's fine. However, things may not go anywhere if one of you is always playing 'catch-up'.
• Your expectations don't line up. If one of you is hoping for marriage while the other just wants to date and have fun, that can be a problem. Expectations often change as the relationship develops, but you need to at least have an understanding of where things are headed. If not, you might find yourself stuck in a rut. You should at least be on the same page.
• You find yourself constantly wanting to change the other person, or vice versa. It's one thing to try to get your boyfriend not to wear the bikini-girl shirt in front of your mother, but the two of you shouldn't be trying to make each other into something else entirely. While you may not love everything about each other, there needs to be an underlying respect and acceptance. Otherwise, why would you want to be in the relationship to begin with?

I'm not a therapist by any means, but these are a few things I've learned over the course of my life. I learned them the hard way, and I'm sharing them so that you may not have to. There's just one more thing I'll mention:

Above all, ask yourself if you are wiling to live the rest of your life in the same position you are in right now. Hopefully things will change for the better, but you should be prepared for the possibility they won't. The old adage of 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst' is very apt in this situation. It might very well be worth the effort needed to save a good relationship. However, if you're always trying to save it, chances are it's not a good relationship.

Attention Single Women Looking For Men

The world of dating today is significantly different then it was many years ago. Single women are no longer made to feel as though it is the duty of the man to approach you or ask you out. Instead, many single women today are taking the lead in meeting single men. Society now views a single woman as empowered, which gives women the opportunity to take the lead. If you are a single woman that is looking to capture the interest of single men, consider the following tips as you seek out Mr. Right.

It is widely known that single men love the thrill of the chase when it comes to a woman. Being too available or overly attached at the initial stages of a relationship can quickly drive a man away. Remember to play hard to get, but not so hard that you end up being impossible to catch. Men tend to value the things that require and an effort and starting a relationship fits into this category. If you give a man too much physically or mentally from the get go, there is nothing that will be left to the imagination and the potential for a relationship will quickly fizzle.

There is nothing more unattractive to a single man then a single woman who constantly complains about everything, including the fact that you are single. Men do not have interest in hearing about how much you dislike your coworker or why your friend is on your nerves again. Try sticking to topics that are not only appropriate, but show what you are interested in. Knowing something about sports or any other subject that is thought of as male dominated can impress a man as well. Talking about religion, politics, or past relationships is one of the quickest ways to make a conversation uncomfortable so try to avoid these topics when meeting a single man.

An important tip that single women often forget is that single men like a woman who can flirt. There is a big difference between knowing how to show interest through flirting and presenting yourself as promiscuous. Try to smile often or give a light touch of the hand when the person that you are interested in says something to make you laugh. As mentioned above, men enjoy the feeling of the chase. Knowing how to flirt and make a man feel as though you are interested will add to this feeling.

All of the tips above have one essential item in common. The tips are all centered on the idea of you as the single woman being capable of taking control over the way that a single man views you. There is no reason for you to be someone different then who you are, but there are many reasons to manage the way that you portray what you have to offer. Understanding what single men are looking for in addition to what you are looking for will only strengthen the position that you hold in the complicated world of dating and relationships.

Meeting Men Online

Are you tired of meeting the same sleazy men at your local bar? Does it seem like there are no men left in your town anywhere? Or maybe there are, but you just don't know where to look? Well, the best thing for you to do is to try to meet men online. It's quick, it's easy, and it's painless because you get to control who you meet. It allows you to screen potential boyfriends without having to get all dulled up for a date. You can sift through hundreds of bios until one catches your eye and when it does, then you can make the effort to get dressed up and meet him for a bite to eat or a drink.

So where do you find these men? There are a plethora of dating and social networking sites available on the internet today. If you want to be more discreet about your search for men, you may want to consider using something like Facebook as your database for meeting men. Facebook allows for casual conversation that can be treated as friendly without the assumption that you are solely trying to find a date. This is also great because you get a chance to see your male "Friends" in a casual atmosphere. They don't know you are watching their updates and looking at their pictures because you are considering them as a dating option. They more or less think that you added them as a friend because you had mutual friends and you were just trying to network. By going through a portal like Facebook, there is very minimal pressure when it comes to actually meeting and choosing a date.

Now, there are other sites that are a bit more direct, such as Match.com. Match not only lets the prospects know exactly what you are there fore, it also allows you and your potential mates to fill out surveys and questionnaires about your lives and what you would be like as a mate. By doing this, it enables you to looks for certain personality traits that are important to you.

Match also takes your answers and submits them into a formula that generates what type of personality would best compliment your own in a way that would produce a long-lasting relationship. One may never have thought that such a science could be responsible for generating love, but its been proven to do so by hundreds, maybe even thousands, of happy couples.

No matter which route you take, the more indirect route via Facebook, or a more direct route via Match, it is important that you stay true to yourself. You are a capable, strong, and beautiful woman and anyone would be lucky to have you! The best thing you can do when looking for love, especially online, is to keep your heart open and do not write people off too quickly. Most importantly, do not ever lose sight of who you are or what you deserve. Every women deserves a prince!