Barbies We'd Like To See But Probably Never Will


When I was a kid in the eighties, Barbie dolls were all alike. Blonde, blue-eyed, tall and skinny were all that a lot of us saw in the stores. Even the 'special themed' Barbies like 'holiday' or 'princess' usually looked the same, but had different clothes. Sometimes you would see a Barbie with darker skin or hair, but not on a regular basis. You might see Barbies with careers (Doctor, Actress etc.), but they were usually jobs considered 'glamorous'. In other words, they were the things a lot of little girls wanted to be. She's been around since 1959, but some things never change. It's great to aspire to something more, but what would Barbie be like if she were more like 'real life' women? I wrote a post earlier about what she'd look like (, but what kind of life would she have? Here are a few Barbies that are more 'real', but that we'll probably never see.
  • Trailer Park Barbie. Instead of a dream house, she'd live in a doublewide in a crowded park with a bunch of neighbors who don't speak English and play loud music at 5 am. I'm not saying this to be snobby; this is where I used to live. I liked it, but Barbie wouldn't.
  • Crazy Cat Lady Barbie. She would come with five or six cats in the package and have a collection of twenty more, each sold separately.
  • Awkward Stage Barbie. She would have frizzy hair, never be in fashion and have pimples the size of Montana. In other words, she'd be me in high school.
  • Reality Show Barbie. She would come with options such as public drunkenness (Jersey Shore), an aging rock star looking for a wife (Rock of Love ) or a boss with a really bad comb-over (The Apprentice). Knives for back-stabbing her opponents sold separately.
  • Mid-life Crisis Barbie. Complete with a new boyfriend, sports car, fancy new house...wait a minute, isn't that what we already have??? She is in her fifties, you know.
  • PMS Barbie. She can come with a bottle of Midol, bunny slippers and a pint of Ben & Jerry's. For the more 'extreme' months, we can also give her some Prozac. You won't have to worry about what to dress her in because she won't want to change out of her pajamas. I never do.
  • Menopause Barbie For simulating hot flashes, she'll have a button on her back you can press to make her skin flush and start sweating. She'll come with Prozac and a pair of 'Barbie-sized' tweezers to combat the facial hair and mood swings that come with hormonal shifts.
I could probably go on with more and more realistic-but-unlikely Barbie dolls, but I'd rather hear what you have to say. What are some Barbies you'd like to see?

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